Blog 2 : The things people say : (
Often, the people around us may be well intentioned but say things that can be hurtful to our experience. Animal loss is a loss that some people can’t relate to. Uninformed statements such as “you just get another dog/cat/horse” are not only unhelpful, but also hurtful. Something that I struggle with personally when I experience loss is that some people think because I have so many animals that I don't feel loss as profoundly. Loss is extremely unique to each of us and also unique to each loss. Comments during our time of loss and grief can hit each of us differently. The importance of acknowledging our grief is crucial. Choosing specific people to talk to can be helpful. Reaching out to others who can be supportive is vital. Choose someone you feel can empathize with animal loss. Maybe you don't specifically need them to say anything, but rather simply listen. Saying something such as “I need to talk about grieving my cat and how this feels, and I would appreciate your ear.” You will learn who your people are - who the animal lovers are. If someone is unable to relate to your situation, remind yourself that grief can be uncomfortable for many people and sometimes people do not know what to say. Grief talk can sometimes bring out discomfort.
As you grieve, give yourself the kindness and compassion you need. When I said goodbye to my dog, I felt every feeling possible and yet I was certain no one could understand how I was feeling. The pain and loss felt too massive to convey. Everyone experiences loss so differently. Even people within your own household may be experiencing the loss differently. There is no right or wrong. While you are feeling raw, emotional, and tender, reach out to those who will hear you and understand. If you feel that reaching out is too difficult, try a method that feels comfortable to you. Journaling, walking, art, running, seeing a therapist or anything that resonates with supporting your mental health. I turned to a journal to write about my dog because I wanted to write to him specifically. I felt that he would understand in a way that others could not because we had a bond that I do not have with anyone else. Writing about my feelings and also writing to him has been helpful. Creativity can be healing and comforting. I paint stones for each of our animals for our pet cemetery and this ritual has become soothing. Many of us find solace in donating items and/or monetary donations to a local shelter in memory of our animals. Specifically, when the animal has come to us from our local Humane Society I make a donation in their memory. Donations in their memory feels full circle.
Unfortunately, we do not have control over what others say, but we do have control over what we say to others and who we share with. There are many people out there that know grief and although it is not all the same, there is support and comfort to be found.
Commentaires